Dear Tatay

Tatay, I miss you, I terribly miss you.

Why did you have to leave us so soon? I miss you everyday. I can’t even look at your old stuff without my heart flinching. I would always browse through your photos at night when everyone here is already asleep, so I can cry for as long as I like.

I would always tell people that I have accepted everything that has happened for I believe that this is part of God’s plan. I know I should be happy, because you will already be with the Lord. But your absence, and the fact that you will never be with us anymore hurts me. No daughter should lose a father when she hasn’t got married yet. Sino na maghahatid sa akin sa altar? No daughter should lose a father when she still hasn’t figured out what she wants to do with her life. I am still stuck at the crossroad, still undecided on which path to take. Who do I ask for advice now? No daughter should lose her father when she still hasn’t learned how to go to the palengke and pick the best fruits and veggies. You tried to teach me once, but I was inattentive. Nanay has only been to the palengke during the preparation for your ‘pa-syam’. After that, we have to rely on the vendors who sell through ‘padyak’ inside Pacita.

Tatay, I find it painful whenever I go home at night. I would still imagine you sitting at the porch waiting for me. You would always open the door for me and right away ask, softly scolding me "saan ka ba galling, gabi na!". I still look for you whenever I get a glimpse of our backyard – your favorite tambayan in the house, where your manoks are located. Waking up in the morning, I would absentmindedly seek for ripe mangoes in the kitchen, then I would have to remind myself na wala ka na pala.

People often say that you’ll never know what you have until you lose them and to always tell your loved ones how much you love them while they’re still with you. Tatay, way way back, alam namin na mahalaga ka sa amin. Do you still remember that I would often kiss you on the cheeks, and tell you that I love you? Kaya lang you would always reply “Anak, nambobola ka naman. Ano’ng kailangan mo this time?” But I know in my heart that you felt my love for you in that simple gesture.

We will move on, I know that day will come, but not this soon.

I love you, Tatay!

Each Day I Choose

Saw this very nice piece from my friend's note in facebook.

This is my first blog post for 2010, starting the year on a positive note!

Cheers!


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Each Day I Choose - By Max Lucado

It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.

In a few moments, the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I CHOOSE LOVE…

No occasion justifies hatred;
no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love.
Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY…

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…
the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see
people as anything less than human beings,
created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as
anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE…

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE…

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll
invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the
wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment
to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new
assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS…

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
I will be kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to
the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS…

I will go without a dollar
before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked
before I will boast. I will confess before I will
accuse. I choose goodness.

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS…

Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates
will not question my word. My wife will not
question my love. And my children will never fear
that their father will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS…

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it only be of myself.

I am a spiritual being…
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal.
I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.
I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
To these I commit my day.
If I succeed, I will give thanks.
If I fail, I will seek His grace.
And then, when this day is done,
I will place my head on my pillow
and rest.

Max Lucado quote is from his book When God Whispers Your Name. Used by permission of the W Publishing Group, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.