Dear Tatay

Tatay, I miss you, I terribly miss you.

Why did you have to leave us so soon? I miss you everyday. I can’t even look at your old stuff without my heart flinching. I would always browse through your photos at night when everyone here is already asleep, so I can cry for as long as I like.

I would always tell people that I have accepted everything that has happened for I believe that this is part of God’s plan. I know I should be happy, because you will already be with the Lord. But your absence, and the fact that you will never be with us anymore hurts me. No daughter should lose a father when she hasn’t got married yet. Sino na maghahatid sa akin sa altar? No daughter should lose a father when she still hasn’t figured out what she wants to do with her life. I am still stuck at the crossroad, still undecided on which path to take. Who do I ask for advice now? No daughter should lose her father when she still hasn’t learned how to go to the palengke and pick the best fruits and veggies. You tried to teach me once, but I was inattentive. Nanay has only been to the palengke during the preparation for your ‘pa-syam’. After that, we have to rely on the vendors who sell through ‘padyak’ inside Pacita.

Tatay, I find it painful whenever I go home at night. I would still imagine you sitting at the porch waiting for me. You would always open the door for me and right away ask, softly scolding me "saan ka ba galling, gabi na!". I still look for you whenever I get a glimpse of our backyard – your favorite tambayan in the house, where your manoks are located. Waking up in the morning, I would absentmindedly seek for ripe mangoes in the kitchen, then I would have to remind myself na wala ka na pala.

People often say that you’ll never know what you have until you lose them and to always tell your loved ones how much you love them while they’re still with you. Tatay, way way back, alam namin na mahalaga ka sa amin. Do you still remember that I would often kiss you on the cheeks, and tell you that I love you? Kaya lang you would always reply “Anak, nambobola ka naman. Ano’ng kailangan mo this time?” But I know in my heart that you felt my love for you in that simple gesture.

We will move on, I know that day will come, but not this soon.

I love you, Tatay!