scrappy

been very bz these past few weeks. could not sneak tym to post here.

i have this new craze now ---> scrapbooking. the idea was actually a year old already, since dodan and i bought two scrapbooks (for both of us). i just couldn't find tym, inspiration, ideas. thoughts... nahh.. i'm a great procrastinator. i know, i know.

so many things to post here yet.

for now, i hav to hurry and get my things packed up since my mother is already waiting for me in front of the building.

second chances

the media player is currently playing this - "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Sheryl Crow.

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...

this song reminded me of jane's testimonial (for me) in friendster.  her message was simple but it did strike me hard on the part where she told me that everyone deserves a second chance and that she admires me for sticking with my "decision".

i tried to get even with her and wrote her a testi that goes:

jane's testi for me really hit me. hit me so hard that my stomach felt twisted. naah. i was exaggerating, sowee. actually, i felt guilty at the same time, since i always have this habit of calling her "gaga" for the same reason written in her testi. we've actually shared a lot-breakfasts at mcdo(scrambled eggs plz), lunch, dinner, strolls at the tiangges in citywalk, never ending gossips at work(sino nga ba si miss h?). not to mention, we've also shared the same aches, miseries, hurts and pains. i'm glad we're both out of those. in luv, no one can really dictate on what to do and whom to have. the important thing is that u're happy with whatever u do and whoever u're with. I hate to see ourselves 10 or 20 years from now, looking back and having the biggest regret in our lives. at least we've followed where our hearts wanted us to be. i haven't closed the door yet, i'm still open with every posibility. yes, i know that everyone deserves a second chance. thanks for the reminder!

wow! was that me giving unsolicited advice, telling her to follow her heart??  i'm no love expert, but what i do understand about love is that - love does not really mix with logic.  u see and odd couple, pretty faced girl tied around with a not so good-looking guy.  u ask urself, "ano kaya ang nakita nitong babaeng ito sa lalakeng ito?"  money, perhaps that would come first to mind. but personally, i know a few "odd" couples like that, and they do really stick with each other in the name of luv. 

in luv, u drop every reasoning ability u have and just rely everything with what u feel.  it's okay with you if he smokes, as long as brushes every so often. you dont mind if he drinks, as long as he doesn't overdo it. you dont mind if he spends too much time with his barkada, as long as he brings you to dinner with a dozen of roses in his hands.  u argue with just about anything, but in the end of the day u make up and end up huddled in each others arms.  he likes action movies, u like mushy lovey duvey movies - so u both go to one movie first, then the other movie on the next week.

so, being aware these, why am i still hesitant to take another plunge?  maybe because im afraid of giving too much that none might be left for myself.  maybe i'm afraid to take risks again that it would not end up good, that i will go through the same pains and aches again.  i know someday i'd be over with these doubts and fears.  but for now, im taking my sweet time exploring myself again, warming up the whole of me for the next great venture.

wish me luck!

some shots

just thought of making this collage.  these shots were taken just today at lunchtym
within the vicinities of eastwood.

recalling the lolo i wish i had

today is my lola and lolo's (maternal) golden wedding anniversary.  unfortunately, my lolo passed away in 1982 so lola celebrated this special day with me and nanay.

lola and lolo got wed in june 6, 1954 at the UST church.  nanay recalled that they've had a "grandiose" wedding.  their wedding was supposed to start at 7pm.  on that same day, the church had an earlier wedding appointment at 6pm.  however, the groom for the earlier wedding was not able to make it, he's got himself into some accident (?).  nanay told me that it was a rich couple.  the church was lavishly adorned for the earlier wedding.  white flowers are scattered everywhere with white linen on the aisle.  since the groom was not able to make it to his own wedding, lolo and lola's wedding pushed through earlier.  lucky, huh?

came after that was years of blissful marriage.  they've had 3 kids, my mother the eldest, followed by ninong (i call him ninong since he's my godfather) and lastly, tita leby.  to nanay, they were a picture of a happy and contented couple. she would often tell me "wala nga silang masyadong pera pero maligaya ang nanay ko sa tatay ko. napakabait ng tatay ko".  how i wish i have met lolo! 

somtime in 1981 (?) lolo was diagnosed to have cancer.  he was confined at the PGH for about a year.  march 22, 1982 was lola's birthday.  lolo mustered every strength left in his body, and greeted my lola happy birthday. the Lord took him following day.

i was only 2 years at old the time of his death. not yet aware of what's happening around me.  it was so unfortunate that i haven't even got a single memory of him.  i could only see him through my lola and nanay's story - on how great he was as a father and how loving he was as a husband.

so back to where i was telling from the start, lola celebrated this special day with me and nanay.  lola said she wanted to hear mass at the antipolo church.  we got off at 5:30am and reached antipolo at almost 6:30am.  gawd!  the church was already packed when we came.  lola found a space to sit in.  nanay and i stood up until the mass ended.  when the mass has already ended, the priest invited all of the birthday celebrators as well as those who are celebration their wedding anniversary to come forward.  wow!  good timing, don't u think?  lola came forward.  the priest then showered the celebrators with holy water.  afterwards, lola told me that she wanted to have her picture taken with the priest.  the priest was kinda cute.  hehehe, naughty me. 

when we're done, we decided to have breakfast at chowking, which was a few steps away from the church.  after breakfast, nanay dropped me at work.

lola posing with father de guzman

two cuties

louraine's santacruzan gig

just last week, may 31 to be exact, my sister took part in the traditional santcruzan. she's played the part of santa maria (?). all the while, i thought i'm going to miss this important event because on that same day, i had to accompany my mother to her office for some importance matters. not to mention that i still need to come to work on the same night. fortunately, nanay and i were able to leave her office at 3pm.

we reached home at past 4pm already. grabbed something to eat, changed clothes and hurriedly went to church. we saw jaene and lola first and asked where louraine is. the participants/sagalas were already formed in a line. we searched for my sister, louraine amongst the crowd. whoa!!! my sister looked so dazzlingly gorgeous! louraine, ikaw ba yan???

the procession started at past 5 already. she held this anchor-like thingy which was adorned by flowers. we forgot to bring slippers for louraine, in case she gets tired wearing those high heeled sandals. all the sagalas are wearing white, but i've seen one wearing pink. my sister told me that they were informed to wear that color. the parade wasn't really that festive, or rather was disorganized. no music, no arches of flowers for the sagalas and their escorts, the image of mama mary had no lights. worst, the "hands" of mama mary fell off! i was not able to finish the whole walk since i need to come to work. i split up with them at 6:30.

all in all, my sister enjoyed every minute of it. i enjoyed the walk, too.

as for the pictures inserted here: 1)louraine posing with tatay inside our haus, 2)with lola inside churh, 3)assembly outside church and 4)with her cutest ate.

whinings of a nyt shift slave, again.

it's june 1 oledy!!! time really flies, but i did not have fun. miss grouchy grouch here. but hey, im not pessimistic, im still hoping that this month will be a great one for me. that goes for the next coming months...

as mentioned previously, i've been forcibly thrown into the graveyard zone. graveyard, sounds more to me like a resting place. somewhere peaceful and quiet. hhmmm.. can i have another definition, please?

i've managed to withstand four long months of working in an abnormal time zone. having to sleep when the sun is still in all its glory, when all my friends are having out there having fun, when family is having some bonding activities, when everyone around is wide awake. waking up just when everyone is coming home already. working when everyone is in dreamland, stuck in their comfy beds.

i practically have no social life. no connection whatsoever. i often feel that i'm a castaway. like i was deported into another world, a refugee in this world i found.

sorry for the unending whinings, i just need to get this off. lest, it would spoil inside, every system in my body absorbing it, and i ending up swallowed by this crankiness.

did i say im not pessimistic? just reminding myself.

so, it's june 1 already. i feel like celebrating, dancing, singing, jumping. at last, i'm already back to this world.