independence day muni muni

after 2 or 3 hours of tossing and turning, i got up and plugged my vaio. three whole days didn't suffice the needed rest, i guess. maybe it's the summer heat, i still can't stop complaining about it, that my room is one big oven day and night. my mind is much much wide awake, this should have been my state of being during my college days of sleepless nights doing case studies and thesis, or when i was still in shifting schedule at work. i am in a super-mega alert mode, i could spot the next cockroach running across underneath the kitchen table. where is sleepiness when you need it?

i get this feeling, the restlessness at bedtime, when i am excited over something. i couldn't sleep right away when things like this are about to happen the following day -- like when a friend is getting married, a vacation is coming up, a brand new thingie waiting till the next day, a 'chika' waiting to be divulged to one of my bff's... but right now, i don't have anything to be excited about and it's 3 in the morning.

J spotted me at ym and popped me, bakit daw gising pa ako. i told her hindi pa ako inaantok. then.. she popped the potential cause - which is... taddaaa.. the formidable quarter-life-crisis chuva



i am 27 years old and 4 months to date. past the 'quarter life' technically, but im still in that age range, di ba? sabi ni j, mag-asawa na daw ako. one friend (my occasional chat mate in ym) told me that the 'sale value' of a woman is only upto 25. nakaka lurkee na ito. to quote mommy g, ira-raffle na daw nya ako, because she's getting impatient already. baka daw kasi hindi na umabot na flower girl ang mga girls nya, baka daw pang bridesmaids na sila when my time comes. all of them (my close high school friends) are married na kasi. with mommy g having two beautiful daughters, and another two are preggy na. and to add pressure, another just-married friend of ours is coming with her hubby this december. group date daw kami, paanong group date, e single (read: unattached) nga ako?

here's another pressure pressure moment. i was having lunch with mommy s (i have lots of mommies around, i actually call my married-with-kids friends 'mommy') and we were having a leisurely chit chat. i was telling her that i got so kilig about my seatmate at the bus that morning, kasi ang guwapo na ang bango bango pa. ang babaw, no? mommy s blurted out - don't you see yourself having family of your own? of course i do, i said. sino bang hindi? but how can i envision myself like that when i still dont have that 'someone'? mommy s said, why not pray for him. and i blurted out - i don't pray for material things. and she was quick to add - e hindi naman material thing ang boyfriend! oo nga naman. and she reminded me that im not getting any younger and it's time for me to take action. one of the action she required was to untie my attachment with this so called special-friend of mine. hindi daw ako makaka-move if i'd still keep on seeing him. defensive me reacted - hindi na naman 'kami'. we're just seeing each other just as plain old friends. but then, she was not convinced.

take action ba kamo? hhmm.. i told mommy s that i could send an email to all of my single AND unattched male friends, and market myself. but that would make me look cheap, dont you think?

ito nga ba ang crisis ko talaga? i dont know. not that i dont care, i just dont know lang. magulo ba?

anyway, my chat my j ended up like this --