dahil gusto kong ipaliwanag na hindi sa lahat ng panahon ay nagsusungit ako

i'm a kind and loving person. a little mushy, too, if i may add. that's the real me underneath. however, that's a privelage only my family and close friends would see and feel.

i am the type who'd just look if i don't know you; a blank meaningless look which got people to think that i'm one big snob. i don't initiate conversations, i'm not good at it. suplada na kung suplada. but had there been a chance that we get introduced, you'd see, i could talk and talk and get chummy with you.

there would be times when i would just wave a simple hello. those are on instances that i don't have time to spare for some catching up, or i'm in a hurry to catch the next bus home, or just too preoccupied with an obsession.

then, there's the nod of acknowledgement if i know you but haven't been that close with you (classmates/schoolmates from way way back, familiar faces within my neighborhood, workplace, etc).

deadma if i'm not sure if i know you, or maybe again, i'm too preoccupied with an obsession.

see? i make an effort to be cute and cuddly and be friendly to everyone.

but getting me pissed is another thing, most specially if i knew that you did it on purpose. i don't blow up just because i feel like it, there must be a good reason for me to get irritated and all steamed up. and if that happened, brace yourself. i'm not the type who suffers in silence.

take C for example, a former workmate. she has this attitude of snobbing people, or the ones that doesn't appeal to her, at the very least. so there, to make it short, i wasn't her type and she wasn't mine either. she doesn't really matter to me, until...

it was our department team building. i was sitting alone on the table peacefully munching meryenda. then, one of her friends (she only has a handful, actually) sat beside me. C approached, called her friend and told her that she wants to sit on the next table. damyou! my blood boiled, i wanted to explode.

the next morning, a dose of her own medicine. she was the one who sat first at the table. my friend, S, was about to take the seat beside her, when i pronounced - with my voice in full volume, but not shouting:

"S, ayoko maupo dyan, dun tayo sa kabila." shooting a deadly glance on her direction.

i must have caught the whole room's attention. so the ones who saw/heard it asked why i did that, i simply told them what she did to me the day before. maldita na kung maldita. i become a bitch only when provoked. remember that!

so where's the mushy part of me? here's something that happened just recently. someone had just said something that wounded my feelings (remember, i am mushy, okay?). no more details, he might discover this bloggy. so there, because of that, he gets the silent treatment from me. i pass him by as if he's not there, talk to the people around except for him (and he's just in front of me!). i have kind of erased him in my life.

to be fair with him, he was not really aware that he had offended me. but still, my feelings got hurt. i can't force myself to be friends with him if i still hold grudge inside me.

until one day, he said "i'm sorry, for [insert his offense here]"

and that's what all it took to melt me like cheese on top of a steaming lasagna. and now, we're friends again.

i'm not all sugar and spice and everything nice. but still, i am nice, really nice. you just have to try to look deeper. dive in, take the plunge. mushy or bitchy, or even both at the same time. take your pick. i do good on whichever side.

by the way, i have the slightest tendency of having mood swings (unless i'm in real pain, physically or emotionally), and i don't take PMS as an excuse to be bitchy.