on risks and being lucky

I've been staring at the monitor, my fingers stuck. I was supposed to write in the first line that nothing good is happening with me nowadays. Pressures from my job have been bothering me lately. With so many (bloody, back-breaking, grueling) trainings ahead, certifications to meet, extra tasks, not the mention the erratic schedule - yeah, years have past and I'm still complaining on this. Payday is the only thing that keeps my attendance on the records. At times, I feel like giving up. I'm not happy with my job anymore. Besides, this is not what I wanted in the first place. But then, another thought comes in - what is it that I really want. Then the thought of staying comes in. I always tell myself; at least I have a job. But for how long do I need to convince myself? How about TAKING RISKS? Yeah - RISKS, and the word itself is synonymous with danger, jeopardy, threat. How scary could that get?

Yeah, nothing good is happening. But then, this job is NOT my life. Nothing good is happening in my workplace, I'm scared, fearful that I might lose it someday. But what the heck. It's not taking away my happiness, you hear that? Mr. you know who? Despite the unpleasant (nauseating) feeling I have whenever I think of work, I could still find bliss. I still find time to adore butterflies, flowers, babies, chubby kids. I'm still (and always will be) at awe to see sunsets and sunrises. I can still laugh my heart out over some corny jokes and cry over mushy movies. I still enjoy eating chocolates, savoring every bits and pieces.

Call this a quarter-life or whatever crisis - I'm not giving in. Life still has a lot to offer. And risks, that's one thing I'll learn to embrace, one day at a time.

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On a related topic. A friend from work told me that I'm lucky, I could walk out from my job whenever I wanted to. Not like her, being the breadwinner of the family, left with no other choice but to stay. Then, I thought, why should I feel lucky? It's a common line - at least ikaw ganito, di kagaya ng iba ganun.. Should comparing myself or my situation with the "not-so-lucky" ones be enough consolation? I'm not so sure about that.