tears

She's thinking if she'd give him a message. Should she tell him that she's now crying? Should she tell him that she's now hurting. She just can't stop crying. She thought she's through with it all. After having spent her whole night with Vivian. She thought she had cried all her tears out last night, that none will be left today. She thought she has gathered all the courage. She thought it was going to be casual. Yes, it did. It went casually. No blank stares this time, no choking. Just a straight answer and a smile afterwards.

She's still crying, tears just won't stop.

Why is she crying. She still can' understand. Is she sad that they are parting? Is she sad that the chase is finally over? Is she sad for him? That he might lead a lonely life after having said her words.

Why does she always have to cry? She's sure that she did the right thing. She now realizes that doing the right thing could be painful.

She's crying but she can't tell anyone about her feelings. Who will she talk with? Nobody could ever relate to her situation. To her feelings, yes, some of her friends might understand, but her situation? Who will understand?

She wishes she could tell him, but will he understand?

The grief is like going over what happened a year ago. The same pain striking her chest. She hopes that this will be the last one. Oh, the tears just won't stop. Her hand trembling. She finds it hard to breathe. Her eyes blurry from crying.

In between sobs, she wishes that he'd be fine. She wishes him a good life. A life that she might only share with him only as a friend. She wishes that he might soon find someone who is deserving of his meaningful stares, of his hands that is always there for long walks. Someone who will share his passion for music, for movies, for eating out. Someone who will be there when he can't sleep at night, someone who will talk to him over the phone all night, or until he gets sleepy. Someone who will come over to their house on occasions such us town fiestas, birthdays, or just about any holiday. His mother cooks well, he will bring this special someone over to let her taste her mother's delectable dishes. Afterwards, he will bring that special someone over at his grandmother's place. He may be no lola's boy, but he adored his grandmother so much that he wanted his special someone to meet this great woman in his life. She wishes him to have someone that will come with him to churches. Someone who will say a little prayer with him. She wishes all the best thing for him. All the best.

She feels tired now. It seemed all the energy have gone drowned with her tears. Yet, she still cries. Could it be that she still love him? She wants to disregard the idea. Had the answer been yes, it'll be a never ending loop. She knows that there has to be an end somewhere, and no matter how sore it could get, she needs to. She has to do it.